HCOM 214: Interpersonal COMM & Conflict

Learning interpersonal communication skills to improve every part of our lives

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Dating Is Tough

Dating is something that’s always kind of tricky to traverse, no matter how much of a loser or Casanova one is. I’ve been dating this one girl who has had some trauma a few years ago which would prevent our relationship from being a “normal” as other peoples’. Because of this, she and I didn’t even kiss until our fourth date, something I am very much unaccustomed to since most other people my age are having sex by around the third date. She had explained things to me somewhat, but it didn’t make things any less difficult since I did like her and have feelings for her.

For our third, we went to see a movie and it was our first time holding hands as well. She had told me before that she didn’t want me to think that she didn’t like me because she very much did, but at times I found her as coming off as somewhat cold and would tell myself “Just let go of her hand Ani, you’re embarrassing yourself, she doesn’t give a shit about you.” She was verbally telling me that she liked me a lot, but her actions were telling me that she wasn’t interested in me. She’s the only person I’ve found luck dating recently, so it makes me more willing to be patient, but it doesn’t make things any less difficult since I’m used to more physical affection, not even necessarily sex, just more physical affection. On our most recent date, a similar thing was happening, we were looking into each other’s eyes and smiling at each other, speaking softly, delicately, breathily, all nonverbal signs of higher intimacy. As it seemed to become more clear we would kiss, she turned away and started crying out of nowhere, apparently she’d had a massive flood of anxiety kicking in and she felt terrible about it because she very much wanted to kiss me but her past trauma was preventing her from doing so. Eventually, at the end of our date, we were able to and that very much shelved a lot of worries for me, but those initial times, it’s really disconcerting when the words and actions of a potential romantic partner don’t line up.

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Nonverbal Communication

I am definitely an M-time person, and my results from the self-quiz clearly reflect this. I am always checking my phone to see what time it is throughout the day, and I always want to know about what time it is. I’ve always been an M-time person, even when I was younger I would constantly check and keep track of the time in class. I would know the location of the clock in all my classes, and usually be looking forward to when lunch started or when school ended. I remember my dad used to ask me what time it was when we were driving around, and I would be able to guess the time within a few minutes every time even if I hadn’t checked in a while. Especially when I have a deadline or appointment, I am always very conscious of how soon it is and how much time I have until then. Although if I am not busy I can be a P-time person, especially on vacations were I can relax and not stress or worry about schedules. Except when I was much younger, only 2 or 3, I would ask how many days were left on our vacations, every single day. Over time I’ve had to work on learning not to worry about the time so much, and I’ve gotten much better about being a P-time person when it comes to relaxing on vacations, or not being concerned with work. So there is not much of an interpersonal impact because of my personal time orientation.

As far as proxemics go I am most likely to allow family or friends into my personal space. When meeting someone for the first time I will always shake someone’s hand if they offer it, but I will almost never be the person to initiate a handshake.

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Time Orientation

When it comes to time there are two types of people. There’s the M-time (monochronic) oriented people and the P-time (polychronic) oriented people. M-time people are individuals who value careful scheduling and time management. These are the people who value time as an important resources. P-time people are those who don’t view time as a resource to spent, saved, or guarded. People who find themselves tend to those who do not view time as wasted.
Throughout my life, I viewed myself to be a person who was m-time oriented. The reason for this is because I always viewed that if I am not doing something productive, then I am wasting time that can be allocated to completing other tasks. In fact it pisses me off when my time is involuntary wasted by others, since I have more important things to attend to  besides catering for their needs. But after taking the “Are You an M-Time or a P-Time Person?” self-quiz it has come to shown that I am more of a P-time person. The quiz showed that was almost evenly split between both types of people, but was leaning more towards as P-time person. Which kind of makes sense. I do like to plant things out and follow that schedule as much as possible. If a reason should arise that has me change, like a friend in need, I would change the schedule to accommodate to the new task. During times where I will find myself to be waiting in line, I would not be restless. For me it’s better to be patient and let things unfold instead of forcing them to happen. If you force something there is a high likelihood that it could backfire and cause other events that happen. Maybe that’s why the quiz showed me more as P-time person. Although I do value time, I am willing to work with it to get the best outcome I can achieve.

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The Importance of Expressions

The most important relationship that I have is my family, I communicate with them twice a day. Nonverbal Communication is as well important as verbal communication. The reason why nonverbal is important is because we can determine the person’s mood as well how we are going to respond and act. On verbal expressions are crucial when communicating it helps me understand what the person is feeling or expressing just by their tone of voice or their body movements.

If we didn’t have these nonverbal techniques to help in our daily communication, we would have difficulties and misunderstandings. As for example, my sisters has a monotone serious voice and if she didn’t demonstrate any nonverbal communication as hand gestures or facial expressions, I would think the whole time she was bored or annoyed. Another example is my father his voice and communications is the opposite he’s always laughing or being sarcastic, and if wasn’t for his tone of voice I would think he would never take anything seriously. Another thing that is important is the eye contact as well, the eye contact is very crucial when having a conversation, it can determine if you are demonstrating attention towards them or lack of enthusiasm in the conversation. The eye contact creates the speaker to feel that they are being listened and having the attention of the listener. At the end of my experience having people or my family demonstrate and use nonverbal techniques gives me the acknowledgment that they are listening to me and feel related or compassioned of what I’m speaking about.