HCOM 214: Interpersonal COMM & Conflict

Learning interpersonal communication skills to improve every part of our lives

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Overestimating Friendship

The conflicts with people around you are inevitable in life. Parent, siblings, friends, or co-workers could be the one who have troubles with you. Amongst the lists I wrote, I think friends are the most troublemaker to me, and friendship are overestimated, because we typically think that friendship lasts forever, and it cannot be replaced with anything; However, I do think that Friendship is light as much as interest relationship, and best friend can hurt you the most with your secrets you shared.

I got really awesome friends when I was 20. We met at the college in my country. We were same age, and we had a common that we all were discharged from military service. We shared each military experience, and used to take the same classes in the school. We used to introduce the girls to each other to give them chances for getting girlfriends. Everything was great, and we felt that our friendship will be last forever.

The trouble started when my 2 out of 3 friends rode high. My three friends and I went abroad for success, and we shared information and story to get rid of stress and encourage and help each other; however, since one of my friends had to go back to his country ,due to low score in the school and financial issues, he got jealous of others. He suddenly interfered other’s privacy, and flak their weakness without any reasons. It hurts our feeling, and it was clearly irritating and against the rule in our friendship at the same time. We were supposed to respect other privacy, and do not care whatever they do unless it is harmful or dangerous to others or themselves. We were trying to handle this conflicts before it hurts other’s feeling. We used to change the topic when jealous friend got anger, Avoidance, and pseudo-conflict to avoid him. Plus, Accommodation, which is that abandoning other goals and acquiescing to another person’s desires; however, He was getting fierce as much as a lion, we could not talk anymore, and one of my friends fought with him, and thus I lost two friend eventually. The sad thing is that jealous friend was my best friend, he was very kindly when we got together in Korea.

Friendship, what an emptiness. We might overestimate the friendship, which is not las forever and deep relationship at all. Friendship can be changed suddenly, and they could give you hurt as much as you believed them. Even though I used to avoid the conflict by using many strategies, I lost two friends at the result. What I learned is that do not overestimate the friendship you are having, and do not do not expect that friendship will be last forever.


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Managing Conflict

Identify a time when conflict improved a relationship. What ideas from the chapter best explain this outcome?

Back in high school, I had a conflict with one of my close friends over something stupid. It was the biggest fight that we had ever had and it went on for almost two months of us going back and forth writing each other passive aggressive letters instead of talking. We tried talking but every time we did it would end up horribly wrong so we’d take time off in between to calm down and revisit it again after a day or two. We realized that writing letters was more effective than talking as there’d be nothing holding our thoughts back. So we wrote back and forth trying to find some sort of common ground and that lasted what felt like forever. I remember being so frustrated that I couldn’t just pick up the phone and call her and tell her what happened after school and just talk about everything and nothing for hours on end. I don’t really recall how we resolved it in the end but it has made us closer than ever. Every other argument we’ve had ever since has only made our friendship stronger. We’d be i a heated discussion about something one second and be throwing our head back laughing at an inside joke the next. This has left most of our other friends confused and envious with the dynamic of our friendship. She’s the longest lasting friendship I have managed to maintain without actually having to maintain it. We don’t see or talk often but whenever we do, we just somehow are able to pick up right where we left off.