HCOM 214: Interpersonal COMM & Conflict

Learning interpersonal communication skills to improve every part of our lives

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I consider my best friend Fernanda an effective listener. She is my home town friend and is always there for me when i need her. Although we don’t see each other as often because of school she is always aware of what is going on in my life and I am aware of hers. My friend has always been an effective listener, and has always been able to give advice and be supportive for everything. Fernanda is always good with body language, sometimes with just seeing me she knows something is wrong or something has me very excited. Also, when we have long talks she is keeping eye contact which is key for a conversation. Otherwise it as the other person wasn’t actually listening to what you have to say. i believe these things make her a great listener because she is able to acknowledge situations and understand what i am really seeking for when i talk to her. Sometimes i go in seek for advice but what I really need is a friend to be there for me and she understands that. Other times when i have made a mistake she is gentle enough to tell my what i did wrong in certain situations. However, she never tells me things that will hurt. She finds a way around of the painful words and gives encouraging advice. these are thing an effective listener does. Fernanda is an effective listener because of the way she proceeds after a conversation. She has the qualities a any person trying to be an effective listener should have. She understands the body language and keeps eye contact with the person engaging in the conversation. but what make her the best listener tome is the way she analyzes the talks to either give advice and support.

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Listening vs Critism



The person I consider an effective listener would be a friend back at San Diego. The many reasons why I can always count on her to listen than other close friends is because she demonstrates nonverbal gestures as nodding her head, good eye contact, and positive and supportive feedback. The reasons why her supportive feedback and backchannel cues as nodding, is the best quality for an effective listener is because her feedback does not contain judgment, criticism, or a quick way to solve the problem or the situation. In my point of view when I talk to others, they automatically want to give feedback in how to solve or open a new topic or experience they similar had to mine. Listening is about demonstrating you are analyzing their information and give your total attention to the speaker without any distractions or demonstration of noncaring of the conversation. What I really appreciate about my friend listening skill is that if I’m speaking and she interrupts me, at least she will ask questions for clarification or to have more details about the topic, which it demonstrates that she is listening and having her total focus on me.

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Active Listening

I feel as if I’m able to focus my attention on whatever I’m doing whenever I’m online or not. And my score on the Multitasking and Attention quiz seems to reflect this. I am able to work on one task at a time without getting easily bored or distracted, and complete my work efficiently. I find listening to music that doesn’t have any lyrics can help me concentrate much better on whatever I’m working on, as opposed to music with vocals that could distract me. And listening to music is usually one of the first things I’ll do if I want to focus on a task and complete it without distraction.

My primary listening style would most likely be content-oriented listening. As I enjoy learning more about things I find interesting, and asking questions to learn more about those things. And my secondary listening style is time oriented listening. According to research findings, women are more likely to use people or content oriented listening styles and men are more likely to use action or time oriented listening styles. So my results differ from the research findings, but I find that I tend to use different listening styles when I’m in different moods or when talking to people with other listening styles.

I can try to avoid selective listening behavior when talking with people by hearing out what they have to say, and asking them why they feel that way about something. I can think of a recent time when I was talking with my dad when I disagreed about his view on a topic, and I had already heard him explain his thoughts on it many times before, so I didn’t pay much attention to what he was saying at the time. He has strong opinions on lots of things, and when he talks about those things it’s impossible to convince him otherwise. So the best thing I can try to do is avoid those topics altogether when talking with him.

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Multi-Tasking and Listening

With the increase usage of social media and the development of better technology, individuals have become more susceptible of doing multiple things at once. At times the act of multitasking can hinder us when it comes to listening to others. Before the Multitasking and Attention quiz, I thought that I would be one of the individuals that gets moderately distracted. But one that is still able to have some form of attention to the more important task. When I took the quiz I ended up with a score of 4 out of 7. A score between 3-4 represents individuals whom have moderately divided attention and may be experiencing challenges with focusing attention. Although I somewhat agree with the results, my impressions on how I multitask remain the same as they were before the quiz. I know that I tend to lose interest regarding some topics and begin to multitask. Regardless I am still able to keep some form of attention in which I am able to respond properly to a question that was asked or to a comment someone has made. I am especially able to maintain attention when it’s a one on one conversation. To me not paying attention in one on one conversation is extremely rude. That is why when going out to dinner with someone or having a small group gathering, I make sure to minimize my phone use so i’m not distracting myself from listening. Multitasking is a concept that can be somewhat easily fixed.  The main thing I can do to help minimize my multitasking is to become better disciplined and condition. To me, becoming disciplined is to be able to have better control of my mind. This would allow me to become a better listener over time and to be able to finish the task I have already started.