HCOM 214: Interpersonal COMM & Conflict

Learning interpersonal communication skills to improve every part of our lives

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Maintenance of Peer Relationships

The way people deal with relationships differs from one another. Some put an extreme amount of effort to make sure the relationship does not fall through. While others put in an average or a minuscule amount. Either way all three of efforts in maintaining relationships has their ups and downs. If you put all of effort, it shows that you deeply care. But it it can also be seen as over the top and a tad creepy. Low effort can be seen as not caring enough, but also as someone that is willing to give others the space they need. Then there’s the average amount. Which is the may be the best way for its shows both kinds, but it can be interpreted as being unoriginal. By taking the self quiz “Tests Your Maintenance of Peer Relationships,” the results show that I show an average amount of effort in maintaining relationships. But the way I see it is that it all depends. The amount of effort I place in relationships depends on the person i’m trying to maintain a relationship with. I’ll put low effort with some and high effort with others. The scores show that I’m a type of person that is willing to help out my peers with nothing in return. It also shows that I’m not really into communicating my own personal opinions regarding some topics. I believe in order to maintain a healthy relationship with peers is to continue communicating with them. Good communication can lead to many positive outcomes. It enables to establish a physical contact with the person. Which in turn leads gives us the ability to better understand who they are as individuals, their goals and dreams, and live through their experiences to become better people. The more one understands all kinds of people the better at maintaining relationships they can be.

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F is for Friends

There are many qualities that people take into consideration when determining whether an individual should be considered a friend. These traits include those of being trustworthy and an dependable individual. The self-quiz “What Kind of Friend Are You?”  showcases whether the person taking the quiz would be considered a close trustworthy and dependable friend. For those who score between 11-15 were considered to be exceptionally trustworthy, 6-10 moderate, and 0-5 low levels of trustworthiness. So it was no surprise when the results from the quiz showed that I was a type of person who was exceptionally trustworthy and dependable. For me I value trust and honesty to the fullest extent. I take all secrets to the grave and try to accomplish everything I promised someone I was going to do. Generally I put the well being of my friends in front of my own well being. The reason for this is through the phrase of “treat others the way you want to be treated.” Personally I do not want others to feel inferior and useless the way others have made me in the past. That is why I tend to put others first in front of me. Many consider this to be a disadvantage. I don’t. I see it as an opportunity to gain someone’s trust and be able to have a friendship with them. It is through bonding that I believe would allow people to grow. In order to be able to reach out towards more individuals. In order to be able to be seen as trustworthy to them, it’s best to just spend more time with them. To make plans and to not throw them to the curb by pursuing other plans. I see this as the best way to grow closer to others. Yet many do not feel the same way and would constantly flake out on plans with no warning whatsoever.

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To Betray or Not to Betray

In the world of romantic relationships that are many things that can cause a strain in that relationships. These includes money concerns, distance issues, and at times betrayal. Betrayal is one of the worst ways that could cause an end to a relationship of any kind. By taking the self-quiz of “How Often Do You Betray Romantic Partners?” I received a low score of 6, which means that I am an infrequent betrayer. These scores accurately represent of who I am. Because for me doing any form of betrayal to someone is a big no no. I’ve been in the receiving end of being betrayed countless times to the point where I practically do not trust anyone. So by me doing a form of betrayal would make me a hypocrite for doing a thing I despise. Now there are many ways in which a person can deal with betrayal. Some people would confront the persona and call them out. Others would have a small discussion with them and ultimately give them a second chance. Then there are those who do nothing and just let it continue to happen out of fear of being alone. For me personally I prefer to do the option of do nothing with a twist. I essentially cut them out of my life. In the past I have given people more than a second chance, and they always end up doing the samething to break that trust. It got to the point where I stopped caring and do nothing but walk away. It might not be the best solution to betrayal, but it’s the best option that works for. Many would say that discussing and second chances is the better option. But after dealing with it time after time, somewhere along the line I decided it was too much of hassle to continuously “deal with it” and that it would be easier on my mind to just to cut ties.

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Closeness or not

When I was a younger child I felt a lot closer to my family, but as the years passed by It became more clearer that people who I truly felt closer to were my friends. For friends are the family you get to chose. The reason might be because my friends and I are in the same age range and have done many things together. Or it might be because my family was not around that much. I do not know the exact answer, all I know is that I feel closer with some of my friends than I do with my family. In fact my friends know more about me than my families does. In fact I basically refuse to tell anyone in my family anything personal. Personal information includes basically everything, such as what I do outside of the house, if I’m dating, or even if I’m sick or hurt. I tell no one in my family this information and even a select few friends know this information too. For me personal information is well personal. They don’t need to know my about my business, the same way I don’t need to know about theirs. Many things in the past has made me reserved like this. One of which is where I had some members in my family criticized me for no reason. The other reasoning being a bit personal to share. Still this does not affect how I feel about my family. My feelings for my intermediate family, grandparents, and extremely few aunts/uncles is that I care for them. But my extended family I don’t care at great lengths like I “should.” And the reason being for this is that they didn’t give much thought about us like they did with everyone else. Generally me and my sisters were a bit outcasted by them. So if they didn’t care about us, then why should we care about them. I say we because my sisters and I feel the same way about this topic.

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Five Power Currencies

In interpersonal relationships there are five common power currencies: resource, expertise, social-network, personal, and intimacy. Resource currency is having physical materials such as money, property, and food. Expertise currency is a the power of knowledge. Social-network currency is a power through a network of connections. Personal currency is power through one’s looks and attributions such as height. Intimacy currency is the power when you share a strong bond with someone that no one else does. Allowing you to have power over them.

Out of the five power currencies I believe I have resource currency, expertise currency, and social-network currency. I am certain of this because I have a job that allows me to rack in income, which in turn gives me the luxury to rely more on myself for food and other commodities. I have expertise currency because from a very young age I was forced to learn many skill that others do not know. These skills include: cooking, sewing, mechanical work, repair work, computer skills, etc.Then there is social-network currency. I am able to meet and get along with people rapidly. Allowing me to have a network that I have power over. This includes being in good terms with my coworkers and bosses. I don’t believe I have personal currency because I believe I don’t have any attributes that can give me any sort of power. I don’t believe I have intimacy currency either because I have huge trust issues that prevent me from getting close and creating bonds with others. The currency I believe is the most important to have is that of resource currency. I believe this because when you have the power of resources, then you have the power to sustain your own and at times someone else’s life. Without resources, you won’t be able to live without relying on others. Intimacy currency I believe to be the least important of the five, because it’s hard to create and maintain a bond with someone that allows you to possess power over.

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Time Orientation

When it comes to time there are two types of people. There’s the M-time (monochronic) oriented people and the P-time (polychronic) oriented people. M-time people are individuals who value careful scheduling and time management. These are the people who value time as an important resources. P-time people are those who don’t view time as a resource to spent, saved, or guarded. People who find themselves tend to those who do not view time as wasted.
Throughout my life, I viewed myself to be a person who was m-time oriented. The reason for this is because I always viewed that if I am not doing something productive, then I am wasting time that can be allocated to completing other tasks. In fact it pisses me off when my time is involuntary wasted by others, since I have more important things to attend to  besides catering for their needs. But after taking the “Are You an M-Time or a P-Time Person?” self-quiz it has come to shown that I am more of a P-time person. The quiz showed that was almost evenly split between both types of people, but was leaning more towards as P-time person. Which kind of makes sense. I do like to plant things out and follow that schedule as much as possible. If a reason should arise that has me change, like a friend in need, I would change the schedule to accommodate to the new task. During times where I will find myself to be waiting in line, I would not be restless. For me it’s better to be patient and let things unfold instead of forcing them to happen. If you force something there is a high likelihood that it could backfire and cause other events that happen. Maybe that’s why the quiz showed me more as P-time person. Although I do value time, I am willing to work with it to get the best outcome I can achieve.

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One for Four

In cooperative verbal communication there are 4 characteristics that affect the flow of the conversation. These four are informative, honest, relevant, and clear. Being informative is having the ability to present any information that is relevant to the topic of conversation and to be able to avoid being too informative. Which concise to disclosing information that is unrelated to the conversation. Being honest is to be truthful in conversation. It also means to not tell people about information others wish not to be disclosed. When honesty is broken in a conversation, it leads to confusion and false information to be spread. To be relevant is to be able to make contribution to a conversations by keeping it on the same topic. Being clear means to be straightforward and not ambiguous. These four characteristics all coexist and lean off one another. But everyone tends to have an issue with one or more and tend to be strong in using others. Out of the four, I believe the one I’m able to follow the best is to be honest. For me when someone confides in me something personal I would 99% of the time keep it to myself. The only time I would say anything to someone else about it is when there is harm being done. Either that harm be self-inflicted, caused by someone else, or is being caused to someone. But the one I need to improve on is being clear. At times I have difficulty in speaking and tend to speak fast as well. As a result words are unable to come out properly to be easier to understand. So I tend to use vague language to help get the point across instead. This has lead to some misinterpretations of what I actually meant. I would be able to improve on this characteristic by by speaking out more often, which would improve my speaking, and to slow down when talking. Slowing down would allow me to articulate the words better.