HCOM 214: Interpersonal COMM & Conflict

Learning interpersonal communication skills to improve every part of our lives


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workplace climate

The climate at subway was usually supportive. When we worked we all tried to help each other out with as much as possible. Everyone understood that we all get out faster if everyone gets their own work done. When someone new came we all helped them become better workers, we learned how to critique each other without hurting anyone’s feelings. We often had to politely tell new employees to go faster if they work to slow. with most of the cleaning work that we need to get done you do not realize that there is an easier way to clean until someone tells you. So we had to learn to be open to different ways to clean. When it came to describing problems instead of blaming we were more likely to point fingers at each other. The morning crew would blame the night crew and night crew blamed the morning. This was probably the only negative thing that happened. Collaboration was very useful, we often needed each other for certain task like cleaning the front area or re stocking the fridge. Many of my coworkers i got to know very well because we always worked together. Everyone i met was very supportive they would help me and each other. If someone couldn’t come in then there was always a coworker who could take your hours. Even out of work they would help me with school and are still willing to. Majority of my coworkers went to school at csumb and are the same major as me. The coworkers who were above me never talked down to me, they would just suggest that i do certain things to help out the team. The only time anyone ever really got mad was if they were already irritated earlier in the day. My time at subway was pretty nice and a good atmosphere in my opinion.


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Communal and Agentic Freinds

In life we meet a lot of people especially during your school years. People come in and out of our lives very often. We take multiple classes during the semester with new people who we may never really see again or talk to. People like that are agentic, agentic friends are the people we meet in class who are our partners in groups and help us with trivial matters like work,studying or moving from our house.  An example of an agentic friend for me is my Spanish partner although we talk in class and study, we rarely see each other outside of class. although shes a nice person and helps me with class, we never really go past the trivial boundary. We talk about common things like our life and interest but we never help comfort each other or talk about our emotions and insecurities. Shes a really nice person but our relationship doesn’t require us to open up fully to each other. A friend who helps give you advice and helps you gain confidence  is an communal friend. These are your close friends who you often times have a stronger connection with. Currently I have this sort of relationship with my best friend. We usually tell each other when we are feeling down or just what happening in our life’s. If I’m ever feeling down or overthinking a situation I can always count on her to help me out and get me in the right mindset. The same goes for her if she’s worried about something she can tell me although I’m not the best at giving advice, I try my best to help her with anything that she needs. With communal friends it feels like you can tell them anything and they will listen. While agentic friends are just kind of there to help with trivial matters such as school.


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Family and Freinds

Growing up I spent a lot of time with my family, but we never really talked when we were around each other. Before my parents separated we all lived in a nice sized house, although we all lived there we often spent the time in separate parts of the house. During meals one of my parents would cook and I would eat either by myself or with someone else. It was rare for everyone to sit down at a dinner table, But when it did happen there was little talking. My sister was on her tablet the whole time and my parents don’t really talk much and I never really know what to say. But with the friends that i just met throughout life i was always able to talk to them about whatever issues i was currently going through. It was just easier to talk to people my own age, they often had gone through something similar or known what to do. Currently in college I often go to the DC with my friends, and the problem with us isn’t not talking enough but that there is too much talking. We pretty much go everyday and from when we walk in the doors to when we walk out nobody ever shuts up. Someone always has something to say whether its interesting, stupid, or funny it will spark up a conversation that will last forever. We mostly talk about stupid things like memes or random animal facts. when arguments arise we just argue forever until everyone realizes that neither side can win. Being around all my friends for dinner has helped me get really close to them all. While with my family it feels like no one talks at all unless its about something trivial like work or school it seems like we never just have fun. But recently i have tried to get closer to my family. Although i can only call i try to ask how everyone is doing and whats happening back home.Its only been recently that I’ve noticed how important it is to have support from people you care about. So i wanted to become closer to my family so we do not seem like strangers next time we are at the dinner table.


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Dyadic power

I agree with the dyadic power theory. At work and in cartoons I often see people with only a little bit of power abuse it so they can seem more powerful. When i first started working at subway they were going through a transitioning faze because both of the managers recently left so they were on the trying to decide on who would be the new manager. So for my first couple weeks nobody was really in charge so every one just self monitored each other. When one of my coworkers became the manager of the night shift, when i usually worked she never really bossed anyone around or yelled at anyone . She would help and give advice and ask very nicely  for us to pick up the slack if we were messing up. But my other co worker who became more of just a senior employee would often tell us what to do rather than ask. She was a pretty nice person but sometimes she just abused her power. As time went on she calmed down and started to ask nicely for us to do things. Another example would be Vicky  and Mr. Crocker from fairly odd parents. In the show Timmy’s parents were always care free and just did what ever they wanted, while Vicky who was only a baby sitter always used to abuse Timmy and scream at him. Mr. Crocker was just a mean teacher and used to always give the kids ridiculously hard test and projects and made their lives miserable. But the principle of the school was just a sweet lady who only disciplined the students if they really needed it. Often time she got mad at Mr.Crocker because he was being so mean to the kids. Often the person in with a lot of power has to tell the person with moderate power to calm down a little because they are abusing their power. I believe the theory is right because people always want to seem more powerful than they are so they abuse and bully so those lower than them fear them.


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Proxemics

How close we get to others and close we let others get usually vary upon how comfortable we are around certain people.I am usually quite comfortable with people physically being around me. I never really have a problem with being around someone unless i personally dislike them.People being in my public space is no problem to me, because we are constantly  around others throughout our life. when we just walk around our neighborhood or our college campus there are numerous people that come in contact to our public space and it becomes normal. The only time it is a problem is if they seem to be aggressive or have hostile intent, then in those instances I try to leave as quickly as possible. With social space it is more used when talking to someone casually or in the workplace. I feel like social space is used for when you are first meeting someone who you just came across, like if you  just met  someone at the bus stop or the park and start a conversation. You are not completely comfortable with the person but are now locked in conversation to see if you want to get to know them. Personal space is used for friends and family. Personal space for me is if you are just hanging out with friends or eating a meal with someone. Also if you are in a large group but in a small area like a party or dance. Intimate space is usually for really close friends or people your in a relationship with.  I have to admit sometimes it can be startling when someone you barely know touches you, because you just expect certain people to never put there arms around you.  I most often let people into my intimate space if me and the other person are just super hyped on something then its just  hugs and high fives all day.


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Negative Feedback

Earlier this semester i was at the otter express with some of my friends, and I told one of my friends i want to go to Spain to study abroad and she immediately shut me down by saying no you won’t. She said it with no hesitation and completely confident she was right about it. In recent months i have met many new people some of whom have studied abroad and have told how it was a great experience.  I’ve also met people who are going in the fall and have told how excited they are to go. After listening to all of these people stories  and dreams of studying abroad i was inspired to look at programs and see places i might want to go. I’ve done two semesters of Spanish already so Spain immediately stood out i really like the language. Spain looked like a place that i really wanted to go it was a new place with a different culture i had not yet experienced. So when my friend immediately shut down my idea i asked her why, she responded with ” you always say you’ll do things but will just be joking about it”. In the past i have done this but try to make it obvious. When she shut me down i felt mad because i was very serious about going at the time, and she hurt my feelings i felt a harsh tension with her until i talked to her about it. I think negative feedback can at times be constructive at times. Sometimes the people giving feedback might just know you very well and have heard you say similar things and already know how it will turn out. After talking to my friend about why she said it she had a valid reason i often become passionate about something for a week or two then forget about it. so she helped me realize i often pick up large interest then forget about them later. although her comment hurt my feelings it helped me realize that i often do things like this.


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Happiness and chasing butterflys

Happiness is something hard to find and when we go looking for it we often end up getting something temporary. I think that when Thoreau wrote this quote he was trying to say happiness is an effortless emotion. Often in life we end up trying to hard because we think the task at hand takes great effort. Happiness can be one of those things,If you go out and try to make yourself happy you might not find anything if you force it. An example of this is last weekend when i got off work early, I made a decision i was going to do something nice with my time and be happy. So i went to the mall to go buy a shirt because getting new stuff is one of the things that makes people happy. So I drove from work to the mall, I went into Zumiez  a chain skate shop and started looking around. I found two shirts that catch my attention one says Wu-Tang clan and the other is the album cover for Biggie Smalls where he is pictured as a child. So I looked around the store some more talked to some of the clerks and bought the shirts. Now I have these two shirts that I kinda but not really, I realized I just got them to get them and really gained nothing from the purchase.But while in the store one of the clerks noticed i was in my subway uniform and started talking to me about the job and somehow the subject of working at Zumiez (my dream job) came up. The clerk whose name was Jordan said they were actually looking for people to work there, so i turned in an application and i am now  hoping for the best. The point of the story is I came in there looking for happiness found it for a minute and later didn’t like what i had found, but from just being there and having a casual conversation I may get a job at a Skate shop which is a dream job for me at the moment. From me taking my mind of the goal of happiness and talking to someone i found real unsuspecting happiness.  I think moments like this is what Thoreau was talking about in his quote.