HCOM 214: Interpersonal COMM & Conflict

Learning interpersonal communication skills to improve every part of our lives


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Friends

I’m not completely sure i agree with the statement of friendships being less stable than family and romantic relationships. Yeah i know friends will come and go but doesn’t this happen with family members also? Like what if a family comes to a certain conflict with each other and you relationship with them becomes unstable. I think that a relationship, no matter which kind it is, will have an equal amount of stability as the other. I know family is supposed to be there for you in difficult situations, giving support, and happiness for the decisions made. That’s not always the case. My family has faced all types of difficulties and what sucks is that the majority are within the family. My family has grown apart and there are groups who don’t speak to the others. They have their reasons which i will never completely understand, but i thought family could be more stable. I thought a family could work everything out and be that happy group they once were. My friends and the friends of the family seem to be more united than my actual family. After High School i kept in touch with some of my friends and with others the communication just suddenly stopped. Maybe the friendship was not stable enough for it to last,or maybe there was just no actual friendship there. maybe i just kept my actual friends in the end and the others were nothing else than my High School peers. Friendship can be as equally stable as the bond of family is, I just think it needs to be something wanted and needed.


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Fading Love

I believe to some point that the love in a relationship can fade, but it takes time for it to happen and also a lack of interest for the relationship. Relationships don’t always work out the way you want them to and all though you put all your time and effort to make something work, if the second person doesn’t do the same the relationship is doomed to failure. In my personal viewing i think that passion never fades, but we stop looking for it or forget how to find it. In other word it not faded but hidden. My grandparents were always so passionate in their relationship and everyone could see it. in the last couple of years the vibe around them was different, we wouldn’t see my grandfather arriving with flowers or my grandmothers favorite drink. he would get home and sit on the table waiting for food. my grandmother would try being affectionate and humorous around him but he would never give in. This went on for a time until my grandmother decided a divorce was best. My grandmother never stopped feeling the passion of the relationship she was trying to make it work but the effort was to much for only her to handle. It may be considered to be an age thing, because they are a little old but that is just crazy talk for me. Just recently my grandfather has been trying to gain my grandmothers love back, now he knows where the passion was and is doing his part of the effort to make it work. My grandmother never lost her feeling for him, he is after all “her true love” as she says. Seeing my grandparents relationship made me realize that love is passionate and if the love is true the passion never fades. Passion gets hidden away but only if you let it hide.


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Naming the Change

My name has always been a struggle for other’s to pronounce and many times did i think about changing it to something simple. “Azucena” is not a common name, well at least that’s what i think. Although i liked my name so much i had the thought that if it changed it would be easier for people to pronounce. But as time passed I  realized how unique my name is and how much i enjoy having my name, also it is a good way to start a conversation. I love my name and i am able to identify with it. it is a Hispanic name which translates to lily in the English language. Azucena’s are flowers and so am I. I’m a beautiful part of nature. After my whole name change faze i realized how nothing is ever wrong with the name you are given and you have to learn to love it. The only occasion i would change my legal given name would be if i get married. I believe that the moment you get married a new faze of life is starting, and you are no longer the person you used to be. You united you name to someones other to begin living with them, as their other half and together being completed. So yes i would change my name in that occasion. However, other than that i would not. I have now became so identified with it that it would be so hard to change it for anything else. Hyphenating is something I would never consider, and it is just because of what i believe the whole marriage thing means. To me hyphenating a name is like not wanting to let go of the past. or not being ready for the next faze in life. That is my personal opinion, others may have different thoughts about the subject.


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La Familia

My family has always been very closed with communication. Although my parents have always tried to be open for discussions, there are always topics they try to avoid. I’m not sure exactly what crosses through their mind but it may just be fear to give the wrong advice. I remember this one time my younger sister tried asking my mom questions about sex, she was curios about contraceptives. My mom freaked, she had no idea what to answer. So she proceeded with a questions. She interrogated my sister on why she brought up the topic and what she knew about it. So my sister explained the small amount of information she had. And my moms answer was, “that’s all the information you need”. My sister was confused and left the room, and so i asked my mom why she wouldn’t talk to her about the subject. However, she ignored me while trying to avoid the topic. This has always been the communication with my parents. although my parents don’t talk all subject to us we have found a way to be comfortable talking between siblings. I honestly always wanted to be able to talk to my parents about everything. And although if we tried to do it now it might not work with me and my older sister. Communication is key in any situation, and i believe it would make a difference with my younger siblings. they could feel more comfortable talking about anything and this way be more open. I think that my family could start with conversation at the dinner table with the typical how was your day question. And from there engage in making conversation about why the day was good. Also, in my family we tend to have movie nights and this would be the perfect place to have good talks about any topic. However this would require an open mindset by my parents and siblings.


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Listen

I consider my best friend Fernanda an effective listener. She is my home town friend and is always there for me when i need her. Although we don’t see each other as often because of school she is always aware of what is going on in my life and I am aware of hers. My friend has always been an effective listener, and has always been able to give advice and be supportive for everything. Fernanda is always good with body language, sometimes with just seeing me she knows something is wrong or something has me very excited. Also, when we have long talks she is keeping eye contact which is key for a conversation. Otherwise it as the other person wasn’t actually listening to what you have to say. i believe these things make her a great listener because she is able to acknowledge situations and understand what i am really seeking for when i talk to her. Sometimes i go in seek for advice but what I really need is a friend to be there for me and she understands that. Other times when i have made a mistake she is gentle enough to tell my what i did wrong in certain situations. However, she never tells me things that will hurt. She finds a way around of the painful words and gives encouraging advice. these are thing an effective listener does. Fernanda is an effective listener because of the way she proceeds after a conversation. She has the qualities a any person trying to be an effective listener should have. She understands the body language and keeps eye contact with the person engaging in the conversation. but what make her the best listener tome is the way she analyzes the talks to either give advice and support.


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Life on a Quote

Every day we face a battle to find true happiness and we do unnecessary things to accomplish what we believe to be the central goal. All through out life we set goals of getting a good job and finishing college with a degree in order to be happy. However, how do we know this will give us true happiness? As a college student, questions always come to mind, like will it be worth it or will i actually be happy in the end? It may just be a faze of stress and anxiety but i’m sure more than one student has thought of it at some point. From a personal view, I have always seen my family and myself trying hard for something that we believe will make us happy. But we never pay close attention to the happiness we create with each other. The quote noted by Henry David Thoreau means to me that as we spend a lot of time thinking about how we will be happy and working for what we want to be happy, we will be loosing the happiness of the moment. For example, it’s summer vacation and the heat is your worst enemy so you decide to buy a pool. So you spend all your summer working and saving money so you can be able to get the best pool in town. But once you get it it’s fall and the weather is colder. Basically, you spent all your summer trying to get that pool and by the time you got it you missed summer and its fun adventures. Instead of forgetting about the pool, going to the beach with friends or having a water balloon fight, you weren’t able to be happy in the moment. I believe the quote is about letting things happen and being happy with them. This way we will be happy our entire life.


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ME-dia

Media is a great factor of influence to how we view ourselves physically and mentally. I believe that even unconsciously we try to change something about us to become someone we view and admire from TV or social websites. If someone were to know the type of shows I watch and the music I listen to or even the websites I look at often they’d probably think I have no life. And that is just because I spend so much of my time viewing other people, all celebrities or iconic people. I love watching the typical teenage drama and love stories. But also the mystery and suspense of things captures my deep attention. When watching a show I tend to think as if I were in a certain actors place and what I would do in their situations. The next day I try acting like a character I like most, more adventures and spontaneous. I try to adapt to the surrounding or listen to music that influences my mood. I sometimes listen to music related to the scene of movies i watch or if the actor is a singer i listen to the music they have. All though i know this happens often if someone was to ask me how i describe myself or things i like, they would be able to catch different ideas about me. For example, in the past couple of weeks I went to the store with a very good friend and as we looked at some books she pointed out to me how much i enjoyed mystery things. And honestly I had never payed attention to how intrigued I am with mystery. As i write this blog i realize how things are influencing me, and all the things I tend to do.  Although i did not specifically write about body appearance the media has influenced deeply for wanting the perfect thin body. Media influences everyone.