HCOM 214: Interpersonal COMM & Conflict

Learning interpersonal communication skills to improve every part of our lives


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Work Relationships

My work consists of a very select few individuals. We have our property owner, our two managers, our three receptionists, our six housekeepers, and our handyman. Because we have such a small staff, we are a close-knit and very understanding group.

When it comes to religion our staff includes Hinduism, Catholicism, and Jewish. In this we are allowed time off each opportunity we need to practice our religions and beliefs. When we wear our uniforms, for example, on ash wednesday we are able to wear our ash on our forehead.

Our staff is so close and friendly that we each try to accommodate and help each other each chance we get. For example, my housekeeper Ruiz has a six year old son, so when she works and he has no school she used to bring him to work with her. This changed when another one of our housekeepers offered to watch him on her days off so Ruiz didn’t have to push him around on her cleaning cart.

We don’t have many traditions or celebrations but we do have a very supportive environment and each and every member of the staff has a connection.

 


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friendship

Friendship seems to be the less stable and more likely to change than romantic or family relationships because friendship has a unique relationship based on person to person, and how others connect with one another. This is different than a romantic relationship because we are not met with intimacy. Friendship is not as stable as family because family has more of a united structure and the family relationship is admired and dominant in our society. Friendship, on the other hand, is sometimes seen as derogatory or negative in our society.

I agree, that it appears that we are more prone to cutting off our friends than our family or romantic partners. I think this is because we do not feel as though we need friends to be successful or to encourage us along our journey. Family and friends can provide the support and love that we can get from friendships.


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Passion

Despite today’s overwhelmingly high divorce rate, I believe that passion and love can exist throughout a relationship. Passion comes from love and excitement to be with the one you love, so passion can exist in a relationship as long as love does not fade.

I see this with my grandparents. My Papa and my Grandma Judy were together from the time my grandma was 16 to 61, when she died of cancer. Despite being together for so long, they still loved each other until the day my grandma died, and it is obvious my Papa still loves me Grandma Judy.

The millennials seem to have a warped impression of marriage and passion because of he high divorce rate we grew up witnessing. Many people my age have parents who are divorced and this may have a negative connotation on the way we see love and how love lasts.

Passion, though, can exist. With constant effort and love the passion that existed in the beginning of the relationship can still spark up even after decades.

 


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Conflict can be good too

One case in which I can most definitely say that conflict improved a relationship is the relationship between me and my mom. I am adopted and was adopted later in life, so my relationship with my parents has always been a little more complicated to understand, since we had a late start to the development of a relationship and a late start to learning each other and how we each deal with things (and how we would deal with them as a family).

My mom and I had a rough patch from the time I was 14-15. This is because I went through my first depressive state as her child. She was aware when she adopted me that I had depression but she had never experienced it, so she didn’t know how to understand. Her lack of understanding left us at a loss of resolution or compromise and we loss almost all of the connection we had built up as mother-daughter and suddenly we were more like therapist-patient.

This changed when I started to fight back to my mom. I told her she didn’t have to baby me and constantly take care of me, that I had to figure shit out on my own, and we began to argue about this. She said that it was healthy to communicate and talk and I told her it was healthy to be happy, but that I wasn’t. She started to understand then, in that moment, and ever since then we have had a great connection.

All it took was one fight. One big argument, and my mom is now my best friend.


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Letting People In

I am an extrovert, so I find the company of others refreshing and recharging. Because of this, I let people in very easily. I crave connections and relationships because I find myself feeling better in the presence of others.

From a young age, I have always found myself very comfortable with people and very willing to let people in. This makes me a very friendly person. I let people in almost too easily sometimes. I am a very trustworthy person and I often find that this leads people to screw me over. They take advantage of the fact that I am very open and friendly. It has caused problems in the past, but I have learned to stand up for myself against this.

I am a little pickier when it comes to relationships. For example, I am very picky o ho I date. I don’t just date anyone and I often find that this keeps me from letting in people on a more personal level. I wan to be more open with this side of myself so I can learn to work on maintaining healthy relationships.

 

 

 

 

 


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You can’t do it

For as long as I can remember, I have always had a pretty shitty support system. The biological side of my family that I still keep in touch with have always felt that they themselves were the best individuals to come out of our family line, bashing others who have any other ideas. This side of the family is so dominant and so self-involved that they take the ideas and opinions of others and leave them with nothing but despair or regret for bringing up the topic.

I can remember one specific occasion in which I told my biological aunt that I wanted to go to college. This was before I was adopted and still lived with my biological mother and siblings. My older siblings hadn’t graduated high school and all had children by the time they were 20. This seemed the likely path that my triplet siblings and I were to soon follow, but I had faith. I always thought that not only would I graduate, unlike any body else in my family, but I would go to college and law school and one day be a lawyer or professor.

Well, my Aunt Tina didn’t think so. She thought that she was just an angel for graduating high school, being one of the only persons in our family to do so. She thought that I couldn’t amount to anything. She told me that I would be lucky if I made it to 17 without a kid and if I would even graduate high school. My aunt even went as far as to say that even if I did graduate, I would have such shitty grades that I would never get into college.

This didn’t happen, obviously. My aunt, who I haven’t talked to in years, gets annual updates from my adoptive mom about my life, just so she can see how much she motivated me. I used her, along with many other members of the family, as an example of what not to be and now I am becoming all that I want to be. She was surprised to hear that I graduated, I have no children, I am in college, I am graduating college a year early, and I have a minor in Pre-Law so I can attend law school after I get my B.A.

I used self-reflection to determine what I wanted, and did not, want to achieve in my lifetime. I used this concept as a means of motivation and a set idea of my future goals. Self-reflection and my stubborn personality are the reasons that I am achieving all that I have ever wished of.

 


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Emotions

Emotions say a lot about a person, especially the primary emotions that a person chooses to display. The primary emotion I think I display is the most common, negative emotion, anger. This emotion isn’t necessarily a positive emotion to express but I feel like I display it on a daily basis.

I’m not sure if it encourages my mood springs or other antics, but my anger is an issue. Instead of feeling other negative emotions I feel anger. I don’t think about loss and grief or other negative emotions, instead I feel anger.

I am trying to improve my anger issues. This will improve other aspects of my life as well. I want to learn to express love more than I express anger.