HCOM 214: Interpersonal COMM & Conflict

Learning interpersonal communication skills to improve every part of our lives


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Loving Family

 

I  don’t necessarily think that my parents were the type of parents to hover over their children because we never really gave them any reason to not trust us.  We always listened to them and did what we were told.  We never rebelled or gave a reason to not be trusted or given freedom so our parents didn’t hover.  They were like most parents they cared enough about us to give us what we needed to be successful.  They cared enough about us that we knew we didn’t need to go and do something or find something to make us happy because our parents always made our home a happy place for us to be.  My parents like many just wanted to know that their kids were safe.

However I don’t necessarily think that hovering parents are always bad.  They have good intentions but sometimes forget how to parent and want to be their kids best friend in order to always have tabs on them that they forget to be there parents and discipline them when they do something wrong.

If someone is a hover parent they are also more likely to have children who rebel.  That is because children feel as if they can’t breath and have no space because there parents are always watching.  It can cause their children to be secretive and cause them to want to do bad things because there parents won’t find out.

I don’t really think that my parents hover anymore.  I think because I was responsible and knew right from wrong and they also know that i’m growing up and that they have to let me live my life and make my own mistakes and learn from them.  Also because they hope that I learned enough from them to always make good choices.

 


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Avoiding conflict

I am not the kind of person who likes to be involved in any type of conflict.  Whenever possible I try to avoid it and when not possible I try and accommodate to the other persons perspective.  That is because I am not the kind of person who likes to have people mad at them.  I like to be in good terms with everyone and I like to be the nicer/bigger person in the situation and help avoid a big fight.  I don’t really like having to argue especially for something not even worth the effort.

On the very rare occasions that me and my parents have a misunderstanding  we don’t necessarily fight about things that I may have done wrong unless I did something super bad.  They just tell me what it is that I did wrong and why they think that it was a wrong.  When they are talking I tend to just sit there and listen to what it is they have to say and only if I am asked to chime in on the situation I will talk.  If not I don’t talk only because if it isn’t such a big deal I would rather leave it as is than to go and make a small misunderstanding into a big fight.  In the end of the day they are my parents and are hopefully always going to be looking out for me.

If I fight with a friend we both tend to accommodate to one another idea or compromise depending on the situation.  Sometimes we even avoid the situation all together.  If we fight over something dumb and meaningless we don’t really put much effort and just ignore it because it means nothing to us and we know that our friendship is more valuable in most situations that aren’t life changing.

If there is some form of conflict between me and a work place or school I try to see if I can avoid the situation or I will try and accommodate with what they are telling me because I don’t like to be the rude person who doesn’t listen and it is in both situations a manner that needs to be handled professionally.  I would not like to be seen as a bad person in either situation especially because in the work place you can get fired and they may sometimes give future employers a bad example of how you are in the workplace.

 

 


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Tone of voice

The way in which people talk can say a lot about them.  Their tone of voice however can say a lot about how they are feeling and or what they want or need.

It is easy to tell if someone is happy, mad, or sad just by listening to the tone of their voice that they are using when talking to you.  Peoples body language can also show what they are feeling.  Like it said in the book peoples body language changes with their emotions and can show what they are feeling.  For example if and when I am upset with someone I tend to not talk to them.  I keep to myself and mainly because they made me upset and I know that it annoys most people so I do it anyways.

Growing up in a Latino household meant that a lot of the time you were told what you could and couldn’t do.  Therefore what your parents told you to do and how they told you to do it could determine whether or not they were happy with you.  For example a lot of parents have that certain tone that they use when you either did something wrong or you did not do what they told you to do.  When ever they used that tone or called your full name you knew that you were going to get in trouble.

At times it can be good to judge people by their voice but other times it is not.  It is not always a good idea to judge people by just hearing their voice because depending on when you meet them can be either a good moment or a bad one and if you meet someone at a bad time when they are angry it can leave you with the impression that they are the angry person.  Instead of you being able to know what they are truly like.

The way people talk to me and the tone of voice they use when they talk to me will in a way tell me what they are like and can really show what kind of person they are.  It also tells me if they are a nice enough person to be friends with.

 


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Unwanted name

When I was younger I do remember wanting to change my name.  I used to tell my parents all the time that “I’m going to change my name when I grow up.”  Everyone was always asking me why I wanted to change my name because it is a cute name and a super easy name to pronounce.  I would always tell them that I wanted to change my name because my sisters both have flower names and I felt left out and I also wanted a middle name because they both have middle names.

I used to want to change my name but I have come to terms and have realized that I really like my name.  I think back now that I was named Natalie for a reason and it just fits.  I really love my name and I don’t think I would change it for the world.  I’ve had it for 18 years now so I am pretty happy with my name.

If and when I get married I think that I would change my last name.  I would either change it completely, hyphenate it, or make my last name a middle name.  I have had my last name for a really long time now and it is not a common last name.  It may be hard for some to pronounce but I like my last name a lot.  I’m not completely certain on what I would do yet but that is what I would do for now.


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Active listeners

Knowing someone who is an effective listener it is a great thing because then you know that you have someone who will listen to you and or give you advice.  I am grateful that I have a couple of effective listeners in my life.  One of them being one of the most influential people in my life and she has taught me a lot about life and I can only hope that I will grow up to be half as great as she is.

Her name is Mrs. Manter, she is like my second mom.  I love my mom very much but Mrs. Manter is like my mom and everyone else’s mom at school.  She is a very kind person and is always there to listen and give advice when we needed it.  She has taught me so many things that have made part of who I am today.  I have known her for five years now and when I graduated high school it was very hard for me because she has always been there for me and listened to me.  I used to be at school until about five o’clock at night Monday through Friday for swim practice and she just made it really fun.  Almost everyone who had her as a teacher or a coach knew that she was someone that you can go to and just talk.  She was always there to listen.

I think that just knowing someone really well and knowing them for a long time can help you feel more comfortable with sharing things about your life with them.  Those are the kind of people that you know you can trust and talk to about anything that is happening in your life.  Just talking to someone and knowing that they have your back is good.  I am glad that Mrs. Manter is in my life she is an amazing teacher and she will always make an effort to help people.  Iv’e known her for five years now and i’m glad that she has been a part of my life thus far.


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Expressing emotions

I have never been the type of person to go out there and openly express my thoughts and or my feelings.  I am a pretty reserved person who doesn’t like to share too much about their personal life.  That being said if I do share something with someone about my personal life it is because I either know them pretty well, if they are my family, or a close friend.

For as long as I could remember I’ve always been the type of person to keep to themselves.  That mainly being because I just didn’t want everybody to know all of my business and ask question.  I was just me and I didn’t really care what other people thought I guess you can say that I am the captain of my own ship.  On occasions, I will share things about myself with someone if it comes up in a conversation and I feel comfortable enough sharing something or I am asked a certain question.

I am a pretty shy person and I don’t like to talk much especially to people who I barely know.  That can probably be the main reason that I don’t really share much about myself and my emotions with others.  Another reason why I don’t like to share things about myself is because I am shy and I tend to get talked over or ignored.  I have kind of gotten used to it but have come to terms that those who care will listen and remember.

I am most often telling my older sister and or my cousins things that happen throughout my day.  Mainly because we are around the same age and we just understand me and have either been through a similar situation or just because I just know they will always be there for me and I will be there for them.  I think that it has made our relationship better because we know almost everything that is going on in each others lives and we are all kind of best friends.

 

 


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Stereotypes

There are times at school that I have meet new people and learned a few things about them.  When meeting new people what they say to you the first few times that you talk to each other or interact with one another you will most likely remember.  I like most people have had past experiences of meeting new people and although you try super hard with all your might you still manage to judge and stereotype people and think of them a certain way.  When someone does not share similar values or beliefs as me I also tend to judge them but although I do that I am still kind to them although I don’t have much things in common with them.

When someone new comes around it is kind of hard for me to get used to it.  It takes a while for me to get used to the idea of someone new. It is also difficult when they have different values and beliefs than you.  It affects how I will perceive them from that point forward.  I know its bad to judge a person at first glance but I sometimes do and its weird when you judge them and then learn more things about them you can see how close you were to guessing what they are really like.

It can be hard  to find something in common with a person who doesn’t have similar beliefs as me because if someone doesn’t have the same or similar beliefs as me I kind of freak out and don’t want to continue talking to them because I automatically think of that they aren’t going to have anything in common with me and that I don’t want to know about them when in reality I don’t know anything about them because I am being stubborn and don’t want to take any time in getting to know who they are.  But if you just take the time in getting to know people before judging them I am sure that out will find something in common with them.

Even if I meet someone for the first time and start to stereotype them I still like to get to know them before making my final choice on if I like them or not.  I also enjoy learning about people with different backgrounds.