I am a coward. Plain and simple. I love to avoid my problems rather than facing them head on because that’s the easiest thing to do. I’ve been like that as long as I can remember. I don’t understand why or how that’s just how I am.
I am very particular about who I let in my space. I have boundaries that deserve to be respected just like everyone else. There are appropriate times and places for everything, but I believe that one’s physical boundaries should be kept as such. For example, recently I was faced with a situation where I was being given an ultimatum. Someone who called me their “friend” was not being a very good friend. He told me that I had to meet with him and that I had no choice. I’m not exactly sure what he would’ve done had it not been resolved and I didn’t meet with him. That’s kind of scary. Anyways, he told me that I had to meet with him and I had no choice but to talk about the issue that we were having. It wasn’t fair to me and the situation. I was given no choice. In my opinion, that is something that no one should ever do to another person. People deserve to have choices. People are flexible, kind, And understanding (or at least they can and should be). That was a violation of my space. I was avoiding him, Purposefully because of proxemics. He should have taken the hint that I didn’t want to talk to him, but that’s not what happened and it wasn’t fair to me. I don’t talk to this person anymore, Why would I? If you’re wondering, the situation resolved by me being so scared of him that I had to tell my peers who then intervened. That’s not cool.
From a young age, I was very particular about who I let in my space. Most specifically relating to my bed. Being a child who shared a room my entire life, My bed was my solidarity. My bed was my one place in the world that belonged to me and only me. Naturally, I was very defensive of my bed. That is something that has stuck with me to this day. If you share everything all the time you need a place to yourself and for me, that was my bed. When people would sit on my bed who want my friends or without asking I would ask them to leave. Sometimes I would even get very defensive. Many of the fights that me and my sister got into were about her sitting on my bed where I asked her to stop and she didn’t. I believed that that wasn’t fair to me, I still do. My bed is private.
Like with the first story, I felt as though someone was invading my space. I was giving them hints telling them to stop. After repeated offenses I can get irritated or scared, anyone can. I was often using my distance as a communication. By only allowing myself in my bed I was establishing I was the only one allowed in my one place in the universe. By distancing myself from my “friend” I was giving the hint that I didn’t want to be around him. My use of proxemics has been a big part of my life so far. Like I said, it’s because I’m a coward.