HCOM 214: Interpersonal COMM & Conflict

Learning interpersonal communication skills to improve every part of our lives


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Family Members (Prompt 2)

 

My family is the reason I am who I am. I owe everything to them. Along with this, I am way closer to my family members than most of my friends. There is only one person in this world who knows me almost as much as my family does about me and he will be in my life for the rest of my years on the earth. I grew up in a significantly big family , and so, my first friends were my cousins, nieces, and nephew.

In particular, my niece has been my best friend since I was an infant. Of course, I do not share all of my deepest darkest secrets with my niece but she will know everything and more than anyone else in my family, even more than my mom. There have been times where my niece has not loved everything that I have told her, but she has always been supportive and respectful of my decisions.

The next person in my family would be my mother, she would be the second person one the knowledge scale. She is my go to girl in this world. I was very blessed to have a mother who not only put up with but also wants to hear all of my ridiculous drama on a day to day basis. We are very honest with each other, our conversations are heavily filled  with what is the latest in our lives.

However, I am not as open with the rest of my family. While I am a fairly open book, I most definitely do not disclose my sexual experiences or intimate experiences with my brothers, my grandparents, or even my dad. This is just something that is not talked about. However, that is not to say that we all don’t talk about our love life, because we do. They are most definitely interested in the latest boyfriends, just not the latest actions with these boyfriends.

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Conflict and Power; Prompt #5

 

I feel as if the most important currency is the personal currency. Personal currency is when you have desirable characteristics. This is really important to me because I feel like the rest of the currencies are easily attainable. However, with personal currency, I feel like it is something that is almost assigned to you with your personality, looks, beliefs. I know that I could not change my personality even if I tried. My looks could be modified slightly but for that most part this is how I look. And if I were to try to change my beliefs, I would only be lying to myself.

As far as expertise currency, no one is born with a skill. Everyone has to work and practice to make their skill plausible. So, this is reason that expertise currency wasn’t my first choice.

Something that goes decently hand in hand with the expertise currency is the resource currency. This is because if you have already taught your self enough skills, you will shortly get a decent paying job that can lead you to obtaining a substantial amount to resource currency. Another reason why resource currency is not my top choice is because at the end of the day, money is just money if you have no one to spend it with.

Lastly with social networking and intimacy currency, these also go very hand in hand. It starts with social currency which is easily obtained by being social. (Disclosure: in order to be good at socializing, you would possibly need that in your personal currency.) After you have obtained social currency, you are Able to obtain an intimate relationship. However, in order to do so, that person has to appreciate your personal currency and feel compatible with them.

In conclusion, all currency are fairly dependent on the personal currency. This is why I believe it is the most important.

 


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Nonverbal Communication Prompt#6

My proxemics are fairly lenient when if comes to the people I communicate with. I am a fairly friendly and touchy-feely person so it almost never bothers me when I am close to the people I know.

As far as my intimate space,  I usually have a lot more that my intimate partners in this space. I will always have my parents in it while sitting close to them, cuddling up to them or even giving them long hugs. Along with my parent, I also keep my close family in that space such as my niece, my nephew and my grandma. My best friend, Josh, also has a belonging in my intimate space because we are always shoulder to shoulder and face to face when having conversations or watching tv.

As far as my personal space, that is where the rest of my family and the rest of my friends go. I am very used to being up close and personal with people so this never really bothers me. My family and I have developed this by having many of us with a not so big table to sit around. And for my friends, we joke around so much as well as play fighting that we have gotten used to getting into each others personal space.

The social space hold the people that I know but don’t necessarily like. Even if one of my old friends and I do not get along anymore, they are immediately put into the social space. And lastly, the public space is exactly how it sounds. It is because they are people who I either just don’t know well enough or have never met or talked to.


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Prompt #2; Verbal Communication

The characteristics of cooperative verbal communication is to speak in ways that others can easily understand using language that is informative, honest, relevant, and clear. Take active ownership of what you are saying using “I” language. And, you make others feel included rather than excluded through the use of “we”. When I read this in the textbook, I immediately thought of it referring to being respective and polite. However, when the book uses the word cooperative, it puts this emphasis on the fact that being polite and respectful is very simple. I really liked that.

Personally, I thing I am really good at using language that is informative, honest, relevant, and clear. The reason being that, no matter what the situation is, if I am feeling a certain type of way in a relationship, and it would be beneficial for the other person to know, then I tell them the soonest chance I get. Another thing is that I am rarely passive aggressive when I am having a serious conversation with someone. This means that I have accomplished being clear.

I would not say that I am horrible at using “I” language, but I do feel like I could use it more so the other person knows that I am not accusing them of anything. I would take the steps of looking at the situation like we did in class. I would take what I am thinking and make it revolved around my wants and needs so the person does not feel attacked.

As far as “we” language goes, I could definitely improve it when it comes to talking within my family. sometimes I will make the mistake of saying “my mom” to my brothers, or “my grandma” to my cousins. I always end up correcting myself but I think that I can improve this by just taking these conversations slower. This way I can catch the mistake before I make them.

 


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Active Listening (Prompt #8)

I have an acquaintance, let’s say his name is Ted. Ted has been known as the person who just babbles on and on about provocative, unintelligent, useless things. Unfortunately because of this, I have put him in something I like to call “The Bubble”. The bubble is nothing to be proud of. It something that has not only been used for Ted.

The bubble is this imaginary place I put people in so I don’t have to listen to them. So, when Ted comes in the room, I begin to see him as if he is in the bubble. While he is in there, I cannot seem to make out the words he is saying. All I hear is a slight mumble sound coming from afar, representing his conversation.

Some of my friends were more more patient than me and would sit and converse with him for almost an hour. I, however, was no so big of a person at the time. Until, I found out why so many people would give him the time of day.

I had found out a few weeks later that he has been suffering with depression, anxiety, and ADHD. I was astounded. I knew that there was something a little off about him, but I would have never guessed that he was going through problems that could have felt unfixable. Later that week I had made the time to really get to know him, and he shared with me how he always feels alone if he isn’t constantly talking to someone. He told me that he knew not everybody listened to what he had to say but he just never could stop sharing.

Ever since that day, I make it a point to say hello to him and to ask him how his day is going. But the biggest thing that I took away from that day was to never judge or put someone in a category until you really take the time to understand them.


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Emotions (Prompt #9)

When I have a lot of things on my mind or if something dramatic ever happens, I tend to talk to one of four people. These being: my mom, my dad, my niece, and my best friend. one thing that I have noticed is the nature of these conversations are dependent on whether I am talking to a male(my dad and my best friend) or if I am talking to a female(my mom and niece).

When I talk to my dad or my best friend about my emotions about something, they always are very patient in listening to me. Their feedback is always them agreeing with me and even stating a similar experience that justifies my emotions. I seem to never be over exaggerating with them. I am not sure if that is because they don’t want to make me upset or if they actually feel the way they say.

This does not impact our relation in any negative, if anything, it has a positive effect. This is because they too will call me up and go on a tangent about their emotions. The only difference is that when they share their emotions with me, I try to give advice that would  hopefully help their problem.

As for my niece, they are very similar to the way I listen to emotion, and maybe even harsher. They are never shy to tell me to suck it up or to tell me that I am being unreasonable. Sometimes they will agree with me, and others they will let me know that they do not.

I feel like this can have both a positive and negative effect because when we disagree it can turn into an argument. At the same time, we always forgive and forget those arguments and if anything they make us understand each other more.


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Perceiving Others (Prompt 2)

I have been stereotyped too many times in my lifetime. The saddest thing is that is has happened since I have moved here to college. The biggest thing that I tend to get stereotyped on has to do with where I am from. When I tell people that I was born and raised in San Luis Obispo, California, everyone who knows of San Luis Obispo, immediately thinks that my whole family is super wealthy, that I has a glorious life growing up, and that I am very high maintenance.

The only thing that is generally true is that I had a fairly nice childhood growing up. But that wasn’t all because of where I am from. I had to do a lot with my families love and support of me. I am definitely not saying that growing up in a very isolated environment such as San Luis Obispo didn’t help my quality of life as a child because I definitely grew up in a place that I would be happy living in for the rest of my life. However, I am saying that I new many people who never had a very pleasant child hood whom also lived in San Luis Obispo.

The thing that is completely false about my stereotype, is that my family and me are fairly well off. This could not be further from the truth. My mother is considered poor in our hometown, making at most 22,000 a year. If that doesn’t seem very low to some that is because they haven’t kept in mind the cost of living in San Luis Obispo. Yes, the majority of my hometown contains fairly wealthy people, but that does not mean everybody is or has to be.

Taking this all into consideration, I would definitely say that stereotyping is something that everyone does, but it is also something that rarely leads to fully true information. I definitely have changed the way I jump to the gun on stereotypes since I have been stereotyped myself.