HCOM 214: Interpersonal COMM & Conflict

Learning interpersonal communication skills to improve every part of our lives

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Friends (Prompt #2)

I am not the type of person to have many friends. It has pretty much been this way since I was in middle school. I have maybe one or two friends that I consider close, and one of them has become a bit distant, but she’s still my friend. I may know a lot of people, but they are just acquaintances. My mom always tells me that my best friend will always be her. I don’t really trust anyone with my personal feelings and emotions, and this is something that has always been true to me.

“Friendships are less stable, more likely to change, and easier to break off then family or romantic relationships.” I agree with what the textbook states, but there are also other things that I don’t agree with. I have experienced change with my friendship with my best friend. In high school, we would always hang out, and I was very close to her and her family and as was she. When my boyfriend and I first got together, he and I would rarely see other, so I still had time to spend with my best friend, and regardless, I would make time for her. Then, she got a boyfriend, and the change started to happen. The part that disappointed me the most is that he would hurt her so much emotionally and she would continue to go back to him. I became angry at her because it didn’t matter how many times I gave her advice and told her to leave him because she deserved so much better, she just didn’t care about my input or herself. Our friendship became less stable, and it sort of broke off a little because she would not text me or see how I was doing. Sometimes, challenges occur in your family and things happen, and people do not talk for some reason. In this case, the relationship would be less stable, but I feel it would be difficult to break off that tie with your family because they are your family. If I made a hierarchy between friends, romantic relationships, and family regarding which one is less stable, more likely to change, and which is easier to break off at the bottom, it would go like this:

Family, romantic relationships, and friends.

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Family Relationships (Prompt #2)

I am not the type of person to be extremely close to my family. I am also not very close to any friends. At one point, I was very close to my best friend, but things happen, and things change. As I grow up and I spend less time at home and more time at school and work, the relationship I used to have with my family has been fading. This makes me sad to think about because I miss being so close to my family. I feel distant from my family members because nobody really takes the time to see how other’s are doing and everyone is always arguing about something different each day. In my family, there is almost nobody with whom I feel comfortable sharing personal information with. Everybody has their own thing going on, and sometimes people just don’t have the time to listen. For example, my sister and I used to be very close, and we would talk to each other about personal things, but now that she is getting older and she has her own boyfriend, she seems to not be bothered by the people around her. She is consistently in a bad mood, and she doesn’t even speak to me unless she wants something. The feeling I get when she acts this way makes me feel very lost in the world. With my sister, I always receive adverse reactions from anything I do even if I try to help her by washing her clothes with mine so the washer can get full. Trying to balance different feelings for different family members isn’t too tricky because surprisingly, my brothers are the ones I have been feeling the closest to lately. I think that we understand each other the most because we are the closest in age. My brother is a freshman in high school, and my brother is about to be a sixth grader, and we all get along great. My boyfriend has become part of my family now because everyone sees him as a son or brother. My relationship with my mom is on a positive note, but I feel she prefers my sister over me and with my dad he is good at listening and being there.

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Romantic Partners (Prompt #1)

When it comes to the statement “Passion always fades in romantic relationships,” I stand in the middle of agreeing or disagreeing. I remember one day my boyfriend’s dad was sitting in the living room and my boyfriend was hugging me and being affectionate. His dad then said, “Right now you guys are lovey-dovey, but it won’t always be that way” and my boyfriend said yes it is. I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years now and I think I have been in this relationship long enough to experience the stages that follow intense passion. My boyfriend swore that we would always be in the honeymoon stage, in some ways we are still very good at expressing and showing how much we care, but with so much time in school and work sometimes you can’t always expect it to be that way.

I do but I don’t believe that love ends when passion fades for two reasons. My mother and father have had a long-term relationship and they seem to lack some sort of passion because lately, they have been arguing more than ever. I know that they both love each other dearly, but when constant fighting is a factor sometimes the passion gets put behind the door. Another example would involve my grandparents. It is quite obvious that there is no passion there, sadly, but I believe it has to do with how they were raised that makes them lack passion. I think that for them it is more about having the company of someone there next to you that is what matters the most.

A long-term couple that still seemingly shares a great amount of passion for one another are John Legend and Chrissy Teigen. I assume this because I follow them on snapchat and instagram and they seem to share so much love. The way that John Legend best expresses himself is by singing songs that remind him of her. Also, they keep their relationship at the levels that they are two high school sweethearts. They both are the cutest couple ever and now they have Luna added to their family and they have another on the way!

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Managing Conflict & Power (Prompt #7)

This prompt reminded me a lot about the topic of my personal narrative. In my personal narrative, I wrote about a conflict that my boyfriend and I regularly argue about. To make the story short, he has a girl that’s a friend that I do not like because he talks to her. I am a jealous girlfriend, and I am not afraid to say it. My boyfriend also knows this, and he knew this when we first started dating, and with time he just got used to it.

Before the whole issue I had with my boyfriend and this girl came to an end, it was constant arguments and fights that ended up tearing us apart every chance we could get. This had a rough effect on our relationship because we weren’t enjoying our time together because it was either going to be a good day or a bad one that would result in no communication until maybe the next day.

I was the main culprit of the cycle. Every time I would see that he was having a conversation with her,  I would become infuriated with jealousy and ignore him and not tell him what was wrong. I would get angry because I didn’t want him talking to another girl about problems in his life because I was supposed to be the girl that was there for him. He would get mad at me because he thought I didn’t trust him. I got angry because it wasn’t that I didn’t trust him, it was the fact that he was talking to another girl about things that are very personal to someone that wasn’t me. He was telling me these problems first, but it was the need to tell her everything that bothered me the most.

In the end, we both changed our communication to end the issue. I finally told him how I felt and why I felt the way I felt. Before I did this I warned him that I didn’t want to fight, I just wanted to talk things out. He took the time to listen, and I took the time to express how I felt. We both shared our feelings and come to the conclusion that we are together because we both love each other and we are going to have certain individuals that we conversate with and that’s okay.

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Non-Verbal Comm. (Prompt #6)

I am not the type of person that enjoys hugging goodbye or hugging at all. There was a point in my life where I had to become okay with hugging and kissing hello and goodbye. I’ll admit, I was completely uncomfortable at first, even to this day I still feel a bit awkward when I do it, but now it just seems natural. I had to step out of my comfort zone in order to not make others feel disrespected and to not seem disrespectful.

The people that I will most likely allow in my intimate space are people such as my mother, my grandma, and my boyfriend. My intimate space is something that is very important to me and I feel very uncomfortable when others come too close to me. I need my personal space, which leads me to who I would most likely allow in my personal space. In my personal space, I would most likely allow my friends and my migrant students that I work with. We are close enough to have a decent conversation and to tutor my students, but not too close that we feel uncomfortable. In my social space, I would most likely allow my co-workers and people that are possibly attending the same event as I am. I feel that for social space, I would most likely allow almost anyone that does not seem to cause me harm in any way, shape, or form. I also feel this way about who I would most likely allow in my public space. I would allow anyone that shares the same interests as I do and that show no harm as well.

I have been this way for as long as I can remember. If you ask anyone, I am not the type to be too pushy nor the type to seek individuals in my intimate/personal space. I like having personal space and being able to feel comfortable in different areas.

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Verbal Communication (Prompt #1)

Daisy Gomez Garcia is my entire full name. On my birth certificate, however, my name is Daisy Gomez with the exception that my mother’s given last name isn’t on it. I would never consider changing my given last name. The name that I was given was chosen by my parents and having their last name basically means that I am a part of them and their past generations. The characteristic of language that is most important in supporting my position would probably have to be personal idioms. The last name Gomez has meaning to my father and his family and now my family.

I am not sure how many of you do this thing where you say a person’s name out loud and see if their first and last name sort of just blend together and make a great mix. If I say Daisy Gomez out loud, it sounds about right, but if I were to say, for example, Daisy Bravo, it just sounds odd to me. That is possibly another reason why I would not change my given last name.

If I got married, I would consider changing my last name to my spouse’s. I know there are people out there who have different opinions and see situations in different points of views, but I feel that once you change your last name it means so much more. It would make me feel as if my spouse and I have become a family. In the process of thinking about this question, however, I see changing your last name when you get married as sort of a label and it makes the other person seem more dominant. In my culture, it has always been that when you get married, your last name changes to your spouse’s so that is what I am going to do as well.

After marriage, I possibly would consider hyphenating my last name. If I were to hyphenate my last name, my spouse and I would both have equality and there wouldn’t be this feeling about one being more superior than the other.

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Active Listening (Prompt #10)

There may be people out there that have different opinions about the meaning of the quote “Everyone you meet knows something you don’t know but need to know. Listen and learn from them.”

The way I see this quote is that God puts people on your path for a particular reason. God has a purpose for everything, and if he puts someone in my life, it is for a reason. I also see this a different way. When you casually meet someone at the store or maybe when you are at school, a conversation tends to pop up naturally. What they decide to say to you is what is going to be the most important. You can meet someone who knows something interesting or something important that you can then take into your own world and put it to use.

One example from my own life that demonstrates this sentiment is when we did the activity of perceiving others. We began by having a conversation with our partner. In that time we talked about how our day was going, where we work, how do we like our classes. From the information my partner would share, I was able to see what interested them the most. Maybe that day my partner needed someone to talk to and someone that would listen. It was nice when someone took the time out of their day without any distractions and just listened. Maybe I needed to know that they were having a good day because that’s what they wanted me to know. When I heard my partner share information about their life, I learned that they enjoy their job and that they were almost finished with school.

It is essential to listen to others even if the information isn’t as meaningful, it might just be something that they want you to know so that they can let it out. Listening to others is very important because it can make them and their feelings feel valued and important.