HCOM 214: Interpersonal COMM & Conflict

Learning interpersonal communication skills to improve every part of our lives

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Blog #8: Romantic Relationships


There is a variety of different types of communication technologies that one can use to initiate a romantic relationship. For example, one could use text messaging, direct messaging on social media apps, face-timing, as well as snap-chat and calling. The type that would be most effective for initiating a romantic relationship would be snap chat and texting. These forms would be the most effective because they are friendly, yet show a mutual interest. The type of communication technologies that would be most effective for maintaining a relationship would be face-time, as this form would provide the closeness and intimacy an ongoing relationship would need. I would not want to terminate a relationship through technology because of the impersonal aspect of it. Face-to-face would provide the most closure if I was to terminate a relationship, however it would be more risky and scary because I would have to deal with the problem in that moment.

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Blog #7: Conflict & Power


As I am trying to think of a time that I avoided conflict in the past, I realize that I am currently avoiding conflict. Right now I live in an apartment with five other girls. Two of them I roomed with last year and became close with them. The other three girls were complete strangers. Although I do not share a bedroom or bathroom with these three girls, I still see them very often since we share a living room, kitchen, and laundry room. I have lived with them for seven months now and there has been conflict between us since the first week. The main conflict we have is that there is a lack of communication between us. We do not talk much at all and it creates awkward tension in our apartment. This led to lack of respect of our belongings, which is a bigger conflict. They are constantly using things that do not belong to them without asking the owner, and sometimes breaks or ruins things that do not belong to them. I am currently avoiding conflict by not speaking up or doing anything about this conflict. I am simply telling myself to just get through the year without causing anymore tension or drama between all of us. I could have prevented this conflict at the beginning by making clear statements about what is mine and not theirs, and also making a roommate agreement of what we would be willing to share and what we are not, and the responsibilities of each person living in the apartment.

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Blog #6: Nonverbal Communication


There are many relationships that nonverbal communication is very necessary. The main relationship that I use nonverbal communication is when I have a boyfriend. Nonverbal communication is important in this type of relationship because all communication is a huge key in a healthy relationship. Eye contact is always important in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship because looking into their eyes shows that all your attention is on them and it shows them that they are being listened to. Managing conversation in this type of relationship is also very important because without that, you would never be able to have a real conversation with your significant other. There are many different components of nonverbal communication that makes it all very important to have in this relationship and any other relationship.

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Blog #5: Verbal Communication


The main reason I would consider changing my legal name is if I get married. I consider myself old fashioned and traditional when it comes to this topic. I think it is a given duty for the wife to change their last name when they get married. It is historically because the woman becomes the mans property. This sounds harsh in today’s society, but I still believe it to be true, which is why I believe in changing my last name when I get married. I also believe that biblically, two become one in marriage, and a small way of showing that is having the same last name as your spouse. For these reasons, I would not consider hyphenating my last name because it is not necessary to me.

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Blog #4: Listening


The most effective listener is my roommate and best friend. I come to her with all my problems and she is always ready to listen. She possesses all the qualities of an effective listener. She devotes her attention to me, interprets what I am saying, she gives feedback when I am done speaking, and she uses back-channel cues and paraphrases. When I am speaking, I can tell she is listening effectively because of her constant eye contact, her feedback, and her back-channel cues, such as nodding, facial expressions, and small responses. She does not possess any ineffective listening. She does show pseudo-listening, aggressive listening, or narcissistic listening. I know this because she is actually listening and not just acting like it, she does not use my conversation just for aggressive reasons, and she does not use my conversation to redirect it to something about herself.


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Blog #3: Emotions

Like many other people, I have used encounter avoidance when I have needed to avoid an ex. I would make sure I don’t go anywhere that they spend most of their time at or avoid going to any events that they might be at.

My immediate family and I use encounter structuring the most when we have big family events like thanksgiving or Christmas with all of our other family. We use encounter structuring because of the different religious and political views that we have in our entire family. We wanted to prevent any arguments from happening.

I personally think that I lack attention focus. I get distracted way too easily and cannot focus on one thing for that long. I feel like I use attention focus the most when I am in class and instead of focusing on certain little things that my professors do, I focus on the material being taught.

If you’re close with me, then you would know that I do no cry easily. I think this is a way of deactivation that I use. I don’t really allow myself to cry as I get older and in that way I use deactivation.

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Blog #2: Perceiving Others

There has been many experiences in my life where I have misperceived a person. I feel that it is a common mistake as human beings. I think the biggest misperception that I have had is assuming that people who know how to work computers and electronics really well are the geeky or nerdy type of people. In reality, working with electronics does not define anything about a person.

The main stereotype that I receive is “being blonde”. There has been a stereotype for years that blondes are not as smart as others with different colored hair. I do not really get offended by comments that I hear about it because I know it is a joke, but I know some blondes do get offended by the jokes and comments. It is true that I have blonde hair, but the color of someone’s hair has nothing to do with how smart they are.

I think I most feel like an outgrouper when I came to college my freshman year and did not know a single person. It was such a new feeling that I have never experienced before and it was a huge change for me to go through. I felt like an outgrouper because it seemed like I was the only one that was isolated from everyone else, which definitely affected my self-esteem. Luckily, I had the best roommates that became my bestfriends and made me feel like an ingrouper.

An experience I have had where punctuation was an issue was when my sister and I would argue about borrowing each others’ clothes. It would be a conflict because we would disagree with the amount of times we borrowed from each other and think the other person was being unfair. The way that it would be resolved was making sure that we each borrow the same amount of clothes as the other does and to let each other know when we are instead of doing it secretly.

Out of the five personality traits, in myself I most like the openness I have. Throughout my life I have had to be very open with other opinions or ides other than my own. It is a very strong trait to have as a person that lives in the society that we live in today.

Coming from a religious and traditional family, I meet people with very different values and beliefs everyday. I was raised to not look down on others that have different views from me and instead learn about them and why they believe what they do. There are definitely challenges when defending my own beliefs, but I try to be very open to talking about our different opinions.

I think that the main people that I have negative Gestalt for are waiters or workers at a place I am in. If they were rude to me or did not do their job in a nice way then their first impression to me would not be good. The main people I have positive Gestalt for people that I have not met but heard good things about. If my friend was introducing me to their friend then I would already have positive Gestalt for them since they are friends with my friend.