HCOM 214: Interpersonal COMM & Conflict

Learning interpersonal communication skills to improve every part of our lives


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Managing Conflict and Power Prompt 7

One of my cousins and I have a repeated conflict. Although it does not happen as often as it used to it will come up once in a while. We both grew up very close but always compared to each other so it made us very competitive towards each other. This always ends up in us trying to compete in everything. It comes from grades to just life in general. We can argue about the smallest things like who knows the right facts about some dog breed. It breaks our relationships sometimes but we usually make up the next time we see each other but it will make us ignore each other for the rest of the day. I contribute since it seems like just our thing always being competitive with each other. I am a very competitive person so it just comes to me to fight over the little things with us. There are days where I just do not want to fight so I just let her way or I go “no no no this is not gonna happen again, we’re done good bye”. We can try to collaborate with each other in order to break this habit of arguing with each other. This pattern can definitely change if both of us notice it when it is happening and we can always talk it out and have a conversation about the arguing we do. (We both very much love each other so no need to worry here).

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Managing Conflict and Power #8

A time when I avoided a conflict was between me and my dad. My dad is the type of person to always want the backyard and the outside of the house to look nice and clean. When I first got my German Shepard Harley, I had to promise my dad I would clean up after him which included picking up his poop. Once I got my dog I was really good with cleaning up after him and I always made sure he wouldn’t break the plants or anything to destroy the yard, but as time went by I started to get really lazy and busy so I stopped doing that. I would still take him on walks and play with him, but I stopped picking up his poop. My dad would get really mad  at the fact that there was poop all over the backyard so he started telling me that if I didn’t pick it up he was going to give my dog away. I was obviously upset by the threat he had made, but like always I told him I would do it later. It’s not that I wanted to be avoiding this situation its just that I had other things to do rather than picking up poop. I choose to avoid it because I thought my dad would get tired of telling me and just do it himself but I was wrong. Ignoring this conflict was one of the dumbest things I ever did because turns out I was wrong and my dad didn’t end up picking it up. Usually when I get home from school I go straight to the backyard to feed Harley, and as I was about to feed him I didn’t see him anymore. I called his name and looked everywhere for him. I was so scared! I just felt my heart drop and didn’t know what to do. Turns out my dad kept him at my grandmas house to teach me a lesson to always keep my word when I say I will do something. After that I made sure to keep cleaning up after him and I learned that you can’t just ignore something and expect it to go away, because sooner or later it will catch up to you. If I could do anything differently it would definitely be cleaning up after my dog because my dad scared me so bad and I never want to experience that ever again.


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Managing Conflict & Power (Prompt #7)

This prompt reminded me a lot about the topic of my personal narrative. In my personal narrative, I wrote about a conflict that my boyfriend and I regularly argue about. To make the story short, he has a girl that’s a friend that I do not like because he talks to her. I am a jealous girlfriend, and I am not afraid to say it. My boyfriend also knows this, and he knew this when we first started dating, and with time he just got used to it.

Before the whole issue I had with my boyfriend and this girl came to an end, it was constant arguments and fights that ended up tearing us apart every chance we could get. This had a rough effect on our relationship because we weren’t enjoying our time together because it was either going to be a good day or a bad one that would result in no communication until maybe the next day.

I was the main culprit of the cycle. Every time I would see that he was having a conversation with her,  I would become infuriated with jealousy and ignore him and not tell him what was wrong. I would get angry because I didn’t want him talking to another girl about problems in his life because I was supposed to be the girl that was there for him. He would get mad at me because he thought I didn’t trust him. I got angry because it wasn’t that I didn’t trust him, it was the fact that he was talking to another girl about things that are very personal to someone that wasn’t me. He was telling me these problems first, but it was the need to tell her everything that bothered me the most.

In the end, we both changed our communication to end the issue. I finally told him how I felt and why I felt the way I felt. Before I did this I warned him that I didn’t want to fight, I just wanted to talk things out. He took the time to listen, and I took the time to express how I felt. We both shared our feelings and come to the conclusion that we are together because we both love each other and we are going to have certain individuals that we conversate with and that’s okay.


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Conflict and Power; Prompt #5

 

I feel as if the most important currency is the personal currency. Personal currency is when you have desirable characteristics. This is really important to me because I feel like the rest of the currencies are easily attainable. However, with personal currency, I feel like it is something that is almost assigned to you with your personality, looks, beliefs. I know that I could not change my personality even if I tried. My looks could be modified slightly but for that most part this is how I look. And if I were to try to change my beliefs, I would only be lying to myself.

As far as expertise currency, no one is born with a skill. Everyone has to work and practice to make their skill plausible. So, this is reason that expertise currency wasn’t my first choice.

Something that goes decently hand in hand with the expertise currency is the resource currency. This is because if you have already taught your self enough skills, you will shortly get a decent paying job that can lead you to obtaining a substantial amount to resource currency. Another reason why resource currency is not my top choice is because at the end of the day, money is just money if you have no one to spend it with.

Lastly with social networking and intimacy currency, these also go very hand in hand. It starts with social currency which is easily obtained by being social. (Disclosure: in order to be good at socializing, you would possibly need that in your personal currency.) After you have obtained social currency, you are Able to obtain an intimate relationship. However, in order to do so, that person has to appreciate your personal currency and feel compatible with them.

In conclusion, all currency are fairly dependent on the personal currency. This is why I believe it is the most important.

 


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Managing Conflict and Power (Prompt #5)

The most common power currency that I possess is generally expertise currency. I remember when I was a younger student, perhaps in middle school and people would always think I was the “quiet, smart girl”. Because of this they would ask me for help on problems they could not understand. I suppose I had this power currency for schoolwork and appeared “smart” because I finished my work and turned it in, which does not necessarily make me automatically smart. The other expertise I would have is in relation to art and marketing it online. I have had people commend me or ask me for help with art in the past and presently as well.

I don’t think I have ever really had much of resource currency because my family struggled when I lived with them and we had enough but not a lot. I probably have some objects which could make it into the category for resource currency. Such as my large binder of Pokemon Cards or art supplies. Especially the art supplies I would say. I do not have a lot but when I have extra I try to give them to people who would use them more. I’m not giving up my Pokemon cards though…

I have had social-network currency and am trying to grow my network as well. Because I had a good relationship with a professor they were able to help me get an on campus job because of the work ethic I showed her. This power currency is arguably one of the most important, especially in the field I am in. Networking is the main way people in my field get their career jobs. As your career and success determines part of your happiness and future I would think that it is pretty dang important.

Other than social-network currency, intimacy currency is very important as we humans need that kind of interaction. I do not have that power currency with many people but I do have a very strong intimacy with my partner. Sharing that bond with someone that no one else shares is certainly powerful and it also feels fulfilling.

Resource currency is important because it helps get things done. I do not have a lot of this and sometimes it is hard. Such as not having enough money or food. I think this power currency is best used when people that have it help those who do not.


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Conflict & Power (Prompt #7)

 

What do you get when you have one overly-sensitive, stubborn younger sister and one sarcastic, older sister who doesn’t have a filter? You get two sisters who fight a lot. I admit I am not the greatest sibling, but I have realized my errors after self-reflecting. Believe me when I say I have profusely apologized, however, my (stubborn) sister will probably never fully forgive me.

My sister and I have always verbally fought with each other for as long as I can remember; we do not really get along. She even admits that we are complete opposites. We really could not be more different. Our vast differences puts us in arguments more times than I can count. In all honesty, it is both our faults. I contribute by sarcasticallly saying something she finds offensive and she contributes by shouting back with a snarky remark. These constant arguments have created a deep rift in our relationship that will take years to mend. 6 months ago, she refused to talk to me whatsoever; but after awhile she has gradually started acknowledging my existence. She felt that separating herself from me would be the best for her, so I gave her the space she needed. Now, she has gradually started talking to me again, but I still feel the lingering distance between us. I hope to repair our relationship no matter how long it takes. I make sure to be extra careful and mindful about what I say to her. Even if it is remotely sarcastic or if it can be slightly taken the wrong way I restrain myself from saying it. She still makes fun of me sometimes to see if I will take the bait, but I bite my tongue.


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Conflict and Power: Prompt 1

To a total stranger, my girlfriend and I may seem like no more than a lovey-dovey pair of people who have been in the honeymoon stage for nearly a year and a half. But the truth is, it’s not all hugs and kisses. In fact, we’ve had our share of relationship conflicts from time to time. These conflicts, however, don’t slowly erode our relationship, but rather, they give us the tools to build a strong foundation based on effective communication.

One conflict that has arose between us is my sense of humor. Unfortunately, I have this tendency to make rude, sarcastic comments in a tone that isn’t easily detectable as a joke. Everything is fine and dandy until she’s the butt of the joke, however. This sometimes leads to insecurity on her part, stubbornness on my part, and a misunderstanding between both of us. It’s here that I must exercise my conflict resolution skills to clear up confusion and make amends.

Most people get caught up in the heat of the moment and try to compete with one another using defensive communication tactics like sudden-death statements, dirty secrets, or explosive outbursts to win the argument. These tactics, however, are very destructive to all relationships, especially close ones. That’s why, when faced with conflict with my girlfriend, I don’t try to “win” the argument or attack her personally. As the book says, “attack problems, not people.”

Instead of firing off destructive messages, I analyze and approach the conflict carefully. Whether I feel she is overreacting or that she has a valid point, I try to collaborate with her, clear up miscommunication, accommodate her if necessary, and apologize for any misunderstanding. One of the most important concepts to consider, however, is to let go of your pride before addressing conflict. Even if you’re certain that the other person is in the wrong, take a second to listen to their point of view—you may even change your mind after the conflict is resolved.