Emotional sharing is not something I do often, which is not something I deliberately choose to do, but I just can’t help it. There are only a couple people in my life that I trust to share with what I feel. The short list includes my mother, my kid sister, my cousin and my bestfriend. Each person has their own little specialty of whom I would go to for whatever instance brought any certain kind of emotions. I realize now that I don’t think I’ve ever told any four of them the same information of a certain emotional sharing because of that reason.
I feel a lot, sometimes too much, but I’m always reluctant to share with even the people I trust most in the world. I’ve got it in my head that sharing might take the weight off my shoulders, but I’m only just shifting the weight onto their shoulders instead. So, why would I cause them to worry for my sake. Other reasons I don’t usually share is because I hold certain expectations as to how they should respond to what I have shared and if they don’t respond in that certain way then I feel as if I shouldn’t have spoken at all. That being said, I can operate the other way around. I encourage them to confide in me, to let me take some of the weight of their shoulders, gladly. This all does not constitute a healthy relationship i realize. That is why I’m upfront with the people in my that want to listen to what I have to share that they need to be patient with me.
The outcomes of this, when I finally spill my guts, is cathartic. I stay silent for so long, but when I finally open up to it all, it feels good and I ask myself why I ever stayed silent in the first place.