HCOM 214: Interpersonal COMM & Conflict

Learning interpersonal communication skills to improve every part of our lives

Self Concept (#4)

3 Comments

One label that people would often use for me, especially when I was younger is “shy” or the “quiet girl”.  When I was around age 7 or 8 I used to be much more expressive around others, but due to moving around a lot which made me lose friends from school, and my parents’ constant battles in court – I became more withdrawn. In my opinion, I believe this is partly due to the fear of losing more friends so I would not establish close relationships because I knew I would just move away again. It was more of a subconscious thing, I still had friends – just not close or great ones. The label started around 3rd or 4th grade, I would not talk a ton so I became the “quiet girl”. This began to bug me more in middle school when classmates did not take the time to learn my name and to get my attention would call “Hey, shy girl”. I disliked this label because I felt that I was not “quiet”, I just didn’t have anything to say, so I didn’t say anything. It made me feel like an outcast and I began believing it, despite the fact I had strong beliefs and views and enjoyed talking about a lot of things. The label got to me and I think this actually led to me speaking softer, due to lack of confidence or a fear no one would listen. For a lot of my life I have struggled with social anxiety, whether it came from the label or not – it certainly did not help with it. Nowadays I work to speak louder. Social interactions take a lot out of me, and are scary sometimes as I don’t know what to say, so often I still do not talk a ton with those I do not know. However, when people get to know me – I do not shut up. I blab on constantly about anything; video games I like, social issues, pets, you name it. I often enjoy talking, and it helps when the other person is also an anxious person because they understand the troubles.

3 thoughts on “Self Concept (#4)

  1. I think this is super brave coming out and talking about this. I myself was not labeled as a quiet person, but one of my good friends in high school, and even this day, was. One thing that I learned is that it is pretty cool to be friends with someone who isn’t very open, because you know that you are special enough for them to open up to. I am definitely not saying you are quiet but if you ever feel quiet then you should be proud because not everyone deserves to experience your conversation.

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  2. props to you for sharing this about yourself! It’s totally relatable for me. I thought you had great insight when you said that the “quiet” label in turn made you be quiet even though your real personality wasn’t like that.

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  3. I can relate to you where you are saying that it was not that you were quiet but you just did not have anything to say. I feel like a lot of times people that talk a lot not always think of what they are saying. During high school, I became less talkative because I thought more carefully about what to say before saying it or I would prefer not to say anything. Also, I can relate because before I never considered myself like a “shy” or “quiet” person but then when I move to a new, bigger high school, I became more reserved. Even if I did not see myself as “quiet” the thought of other people thinking that I was shy made me believe that it was true.

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