HCOM 214: Interpersonal COMM & Conflict

Learning interpersonal communication skills to improve every part of our lives

Love burns

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My first real romance was rather interesting and formative. I spent three years of high school thinking poorly of myself. If anything, adolescence sure was a rocky ride for me. However, it wasn’t all woe for me. The summer before senior year I found myself falling for a friend of another friend. I certainly wasn’t expecting such a gorgeous, sweet, nerdy Latina to reciprocate my feelings. I wasn’t expecting to fall for someone who was so much like me. I was deeply attracted to this kindred spirit.  In spite of us being in somewhat of a long-distance relationship, for a while things felt to be moving smoothly in this phase. Unfortunately, all good things come to an end, like the relationship. But prior to that our little honeymoon phase wore off further into the relationship. 9 months into our relationship, that following she wanted me to visit her and meet her family. This was a bit of a surprise to me. Whenever we discussed our relatives she seemed awfully reticent in divulging anything about hers. When I finally visited to her, she was making desperate efforts to keep me from meeting her folks. I later found out that her family was somewhat of in shambles and that the root of her issues was her father. I eventually found out that her father was a prejudiced and abusive alcoholic who kept all of her immediate relatives (mother, brother, and grandmother) under his control. It was unpleasant that he made my girlfriend suffer a lot. I pity her for what she had to go through. But I am not sure whether to attribute her dishonesty in our relationship to her or her father. In the months following my visit to her hometown, we attended this university together for two semesters. I was happy we were no longer in a long distance relationship and that we could finally enjoy each other’s proximity as lovers. I expected a rekindling of our honeymoon phase, but instead encountered the turning point of our romance. In other words, the beginning of the end of it. I began seeing my girlfriend’s true colors, her mendacity, her duplicity, and her emotional instability. It became hard to pity her, but I could not help myself. And even with that she took advantage of my unyielding kindness to the bitter end. All my efforts to reach out to her, appease, and accommodate her were in vain. I constantly went the extra mile for her and she would not do the same for me. I was crushed and heartbroken before the relationship even ended. But this story has a happy ending. I felt so much better when I finally came to my senses and ended such a toxic relationship. My time is precious, my feelings matter, and I deserved better. It was such a blessing to free of such heartache. I have used this relationship as a crucial learning experience, especially in moving forward in my love life.


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